Feet keep on running, new light is coming our way.
Hands turn to pockets, the blues and the greens turn to browns and greys.
leaves are falling all around, my feet can barely touch the ground
Hold tight, it’s time now, it’s time to turn the food down to our roots.
Don’t run and cry yet, death has never looked so beautiful.
Feet keep on tapping, new rhythms we’re clapping today.
So sweep out your driveway, and hope that a new life comes your way.
Autumn | Big Scary
I don’t think I quite knew what to expect from you.
Parts of you still cling to my clothes and my skin and I imagine I’ll spend a few more weeks waiting for you to be fully washed from my hair. I suppose I should begin by thanking you, after all we achieved a lot together this past three months. By some miracle we managed to graduate high school relatively unscathed. By some even bigger miracle we found our way into university, a process that I had spent a good part of the year simultaneously dreaming and stressing about. Looking back on you now, almost everything I had ever dreamed of doing happened over those three months.
Is it bad that now that it’s all over I feel lost and not sure what to aim for?
We fell in love with the sight of the ocean and the comfort of the slight drop in temperature as we sat on mountains, watching the sun set behind hills far off into the distance. So much distance.
We travelled together, to places both old and new; became familiar with cars, buses and trains and the cool feeling of a head resting on a window as we watched the world travel by. It was nice for a time, freeing even. It felt like I had left a part of my world behind to explore a new one with not much other than a camera and a fine tip pen to my name.
For a while I was the happiest I had ever been.
But as December drew to a close, you Summer became lonely. In direct contrast to the happiest I had ever felt I soon found myself disheartened and lost. My cloud nine became cloud nothing and while in my heart I knew the path planned for me was set I almost doubted whether I even wanted it anymore. I blamed that on December, and I’m hoping one day I can look back on that time and remember the girl wrapped in sunlight who’s dreams were held close by her side. You witnessed both my best and my worst and from the bottom of my heart I thank you for the lessons you taught me through those times.
You taught me that you can’t plan for anything because life gets in the way. Right when you think you have it all lined up nicely a reality shaped curveball comes through and knocks everything out of balance.
Quickly after, on a cool summers night when I felt like pieces of myself had collected in a pile on the floor, you gently showed me the joy of a warm cup of tea. Since then I’ve made many trips to my kettle – one of my friends even made an emergency trip to the store to buy more tea bags for me that one time I ran out.
But most important of all, you taught me to say good bye to people; and you reminded me sometimes they come and go but the people who truly love and value you will always stick around. I think that’s the thing I have to thank you the most for, reminding me of those people and the pure selfless kindness they show.
If I’m honest Summer, I’m not all that sad to see you go. I yearn for the days when my almost too pale legs can be dressed in colourful stockings and I miss the feeling of being wrapped in a heavy quilt on a cold night. My not quite embarrassingly large collection of jackets and sweaters waits patiently in my cupboard to be worn again and I’m secretly excited for the leaves to slowly turn the colour of my hair. Isn’t it funny how everything outside is dying, but it looks so beautiful?
We’ll see each other again next December, after what I imagine will be a long road of goodness knows what. I’ll be sure to let you know when the sun is warm and shining brightly once more.
Until next time,
Thank goodness it’s Autumn.